Baby, i need you so much.

2012-03-18T23:58:00.001+08:00

Tonight, we are young. So let's set the world on fire.

爱

2012-03-18T02:21:00.001+08:00

One woman loves you
she loves you with all her heart
everyday, she follows you like a shadow
she is laughing but actually crying

How much longer that i must continue for you to love me? Come closer a little bit more
when i take step closer , you run away with both feet
i who loves you , even now im at your side
that woman is crying
that woman is very timid
so she learnt to laugh
there are so many things that she can't tell her closest friend
that woman's heart is full of tears
so that woman said that she... Loved you because you were the same
another fool , another fool
won't you hug me once before you go? I want to be loved my dear ,
everyday in my heart , in my heart
i shout out
that woman is beside you even today

Do you know that woman is me? Don't tell me you know and are doing this to me? But you won't know because my dear , you're a fool

How much longer that i must gaze at you like this alone? This foolish love , this miserable love
come closer a little bit more
when i take a step closer you run away with both feet
i who loves you , even now im at your side. That woman is crying.

Sometimes.

2012-03-17T12:17:00.001+08:00

Yknow, the pain inside of you. That feeling, that feeling. So lost, so alone. Like, no one's around you, literally. When you don't know what to do. Just sitting there, praying to god, to guide you, & help you. Yknow?

Sometimes I wish I'm smarter, so I'd know how to solve these problems. Sometimes I wish I'm braver, to make these pains go away. Sometimes I wish I'm likeable, so that there'll always be people around. Sometimes I wish I'm friendlier, so I'd know how to socialise. Sometimes, don't you sometimes, just wish you, weren't you? Me too.

Just so fat. So ugly. So useless. So irritating. So stupid. So brainless. So annoying. So __________. (everything negative) yes? I am.

Inner beauty

2012-03-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

Tired of all these games everyone's playing. Wonder why everyone still has the mood/energy/strength to play.
Like what I told myself. You have your life to live, I have mine. I need to stop bothering so much about people because I realise they don't give a fuck for your concern. All everyone wants is friends they can't fucking get but neglect those that were there from the start. Where are your fucking conscience? Stop.

Those figures

2012-03-12T21:47:00.001+08:00

Wish I was just 1/4 perfect like them can already la :/ their bodies, figure, faces. Everything.

Lethargic

2012-03-09T00:25:00.001+08:00

Accomplished most of my homework & everything just now & I was feeling so so so tired so I went out to sip some water and it kept me away until now ok. What in the world.

Hope mama's fine. Hate it when she doesn't want to say what happen or why in the world does she need to go to the hospital. Or if she needs cash or something. Feeling so so worried :/

Apparently time flies

2012-03-07T23:12:00.001+08:00

How I wish live would be better. Sighed out loud the other day and mama was so angry & she went on about how other people's lives could be worse. Like yknow with no food & clothing & apartments & money & schools, ya. Well, I do agree. But still..... :/

March holidays are here but I don't feel as if it's gonna be a holiday. Still have school & all. But, worth it la. for grade As in O levels? I don't mind. Heh.

Anyway, up late again tonight! Watched ep 11 of dream high. Actually have 12 already but the website I went haven't sub!!!! >:( anyway, late already, should sleep soon. Haven't don't Chem ok, fml.

There will be one.

2012-03-04T23:11:00.001+08:00

Up late again tonight. Only did Chinese homework during the weekends which sucks because I have to do the rest like tmrw or something.

There'll be one who stands out.
There'll be one who will be left out.
There'll be one who cries in the corner.
There'll be one who laughs loudly.
There'll be one who loves everybody.
There'll be one who hates everyone.
There'll be one who think he's good.
There'll be one with no confidence.
There'll be one who is skinny.
There'll be one who is pretty
There'll be one who is always alone.
There'll be one who loves socialising.
There'll be one made for you.

I get jealous whenever I see happy families because my family is not a happy one which made me lose faith in love.

2012-03-04T06:02:00.001+08:00

Ugh feeling so fucked up right now. Why am I so stupid. Should have just picked up the calls and all. Ugh now fucking can't sleep. Cockface la me. Fuck it seriously.

Silently & quietly

2012-03-03T18:12:00.001+08:00

Because the only thing I can do is to hide behind and look. To stand afar and view. Quietly. Silently. With no intention of showing my feelings. And in the crowds I would look for you. Don't know what's this feeling called. This strange, confusing, irritating, feelings. I would like to get rid of. Please, set me free from you. And you.

hello to myself

2012-03-03T02:42:00.004+08:00

Its 3am now and like i have bio later. so technically i should be saying, good morning. don't know what am i doing with my life. what? 2 hours of sleep left. ok can. how to survive later? still going for training because like on wed and fri didn't get to hit, much. oh well, got shouted at by pops though.

sometimes, i'm so tired of the way people act around me. sometimes i can tell that they treat me as invincible? like as if i'm not there? kinda used to it la. but at least, there A R E still people who care and loves me! :') well oh well. so much homework to do now a days and i feel like as if there is so much things to catch on for my studies. its true, from 4N to 5N its really a huge jump. actually quite satisfies with my CA because the only subject i failed was like.... C H I N E S E. not surprised, not surprised at all. hahaha, chinese has always been my worse subjects. but still..... have to buck up la ~

er guys, stop being so proud, step, ego, fucked up la seriously. get a fucking life will you? fuck.
[ok stop being vulgar sonia chew!!!!!]

Stop vulgarites sonia chew

2012-03-01T23:58:00.001+08:00

12am currently & I'm not fucking asleep. Gonna slap myself all over again tmrw morning because I know I'll regret not sleeping at like.....10. Sibei tired as fuck. And fuck? Long day tmrw only. School & training. But oh well, I get to play tennis so yeah, I'm cool with it.

I need to stop being so vulgar.

Oh by the way, I got 18/25 for a geog test which was a test that I could use a textbook? Seriously? I'm T H A T dumb? Not even an A1? Oh wow. Now I know where I stand in terms of smartness, yes?

I'm actually surprised my eyes are not even closing yet. How long more do I have to wait for it to close? I hate the fact that I can't sleep unless I'm really tired because all these stupid thoughts runs through my head? Yes. Enough must maintain ah these thoughts.

Tolerance

2012-02-28T23:34:00.001+08:00

Each day seems so long. Even so, I still feel as if there's so much more to complete, but there's just so.....little time. I wish a day didn't just have 24 hours because it seems so short.

Too little time to spend with dad, mum or the family, the friends, too little time to accomplish things. Oh well, since I can't change how many hours these are in a day, I should change myself eh? Hmmm.

Tolerate. Topic on morning reflections which hit me hard. I did hear that tolerating isn't tolerating when you tweet it or Facebook it. That's not tolerating. Well, I've always thought the opposite. I always thought that tolerating just meant that I didn't show my irritated-ness or whatever in front of that person, but I do tweet it or something somehow without mentioning the person's name & I just realised today it isn't tolerating. Well then, I should start tolerating yes? I'm sorry for showing displeasure or anything towards anyone, if I had/have.

2012-02-26T23:06:00.001+08:00

You've totally crossed the line.

Motherfuck.

2012-02-26T22:43:00.001+08:00

Everyone's being a bitch today. No one seems to bother. Pushing away people, and their feelings. That's what you're great at, ya? Never saw this coming. Never saw this scar you created in me, never did. You used to be so different it looks like you lost complete control. Why do I even bother? Why do I care? Leave me alone, that's what you're best at. Don't even care a bit about people's feelings. Or what? Act like you don't care? I feel it all I feel it. Emo nigh you may say? Yes I agree.

AND YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FOR HAVING NO COMPASSION. HOPE YOU CRASH AND BURN FOR HAVING NO HEART NO COMPASSION FOR PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. SERIOUSLY. FUCKING JUST CRASH AND BURN YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

2012-02-25T23:44:00.001+08:00

Never intended to feel this way. Never guessed that this day would come. Never thought that I'd be this fragile.

2012-02-25T21:44:00.001+08:00

You're so two faced I really can't take it. Don't know which face of yours to even look at anymore. Tell me now my love, who are you?

Wants or need?

2012-02-23T22:40:00.001+08:00

Things I really want to get (once I save enough ka ching)

- ukelele
- guitar!!!!
- dslr or a good camera
- mini instax (since I have the big one)
- more clothes duh
- O V E N
- shoes!!!!!
- a new bag
- a new school bag
- (need) school shoes!!
- hello kitty 210 films which are so ex -.-
- Elmo watch
- Elmo earrings
- Elmo shorts (is there such thing)
- Elmo necklace
- Elmo phone cover
- Elmo Elmo Elmo. <3 <3

HAHAHHA. I think that's it?

Respect ya?

2012-02-21T20:04:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i feel that people have 0 respect for people. Sorry, maybe I don't sometimes and don't realise it but I do admit I do it if I ever did & I'm sorry for it.
But, seriously, people need to maintain -.- y'all think you're so damn bloody good is it? As in come on la we are only 17. Maybe even 16. And y'all can talk back to the teachers all? Even to your friends you don't show respect? Lol. Sorry, then I feel that you don't deserve any respect from anyone. Y'all think it's really so easy to teach? No okay it's not. All the teachers take it in and don't even say it out to y'all. I'm not naming anyone out there because I have RESPECT. They try so hard to please you and all but you don't even try the least to show them respect or gratitude. How many times do they have to scold you before you learn? Seriously....

Plus, they don't teach you because they have to. I believe that many of them love us that's why their spending so much time on us. Helping us & guiding us, even to the extent of pleasing us. And y'all take that for granted. Wow, clap hands.

Guys, I'm not being mean or biased or whatsoever. I feel that y'all should learn seriously. Search the meaning of respect, and show some. Only then in the outside world, you'll actually gain respect for what's worth.

Yes, we all have that one or two bad days, that's acceptable. But other than that, ugh.

Future?

2012-02-20T21:49:00.001+08:00

Received the ngee ann flyer or whatever you call it today. So stunned by it. Made an impact on me. What am I going to do in the future? What do I really want to do? Of course, tennis. If I could do that my whole life I would. But it can't be my future it doesn't give me a stable income unless I'm a pro which is highly unlikely. I don't mind being like pops, a tennis coach. I still get to do tennis everyday. And imparting skills to younger ones? That'll be great. But, the only course that is related is sports coaching in republic poly which has its pros & cons. I don't mind pursuing my studies in other courses in other polys too but I'll have to think really hard. JC is not a bad idea. Just really worried I won't be able to cope. I really don't mind going overseas to further my studies. Doing everything there before coming back is not a bad idea. But I won't know how to talk to pops about this.

I guess it's really starting to hit me what the reality is like. Studies matter so much & it shouldn't be taken lightly. Gonna work my butt off this year. Hopefully I won't fall & crumble. Oh well, good luck to myself! & of course to every single person out there.

Go, pursue your dreams, because tomorrow may not come.

K C T E N N I S

2012-02-19T17:52:00.003+08:00

Can i hold you real close?

Kc tennis has been the best thing that happened to me in my life. i'd never regret knowing this bunch of people. there's nothing that can break us apart. we've come so far. we've grown so close. we are like a family. it's so homely being with them & i wish we would never have to part. of course, we didn't get into the semi finals. but what we gained is so much more than just a name for ourselves. all these memories i'll take with me to my grave. i know i'll never forget them, even when , 100. love you with all my heart, kc tennis.

2012-02-17T00:28:00.001+08:00

Struggling so hard with everything.

Confused

2012-02-12T11:40:00.001+08:00

Can't believe that I told you most things that I don't even bother telling anyone else? What are you to me? I don't actually know. So, could you tell me? Why'd you have to do this to me? I'm so confused, seriously. I hate that this has been going on way to long. Please, allow it to stop, I'm begging you.

Can't believe CA's are clashing with nationals. Sigh, adding on to that, I'm so disappointed with myself. Don't know what I'm doing with my life even. Where do I head after this?

Nationals

2012-02-06T00:36:00.001+08:00

36 more hours to the first nationals match. How scary is that? The pressure is running higher and higher and I'm so afraid right now. Even thinking about it makes me so terrified. Of course I hope we will get far this year. It's my last year. I want this for the team, for everyone.

2012-02-03T14:24:00.001+08:00

No, it's because I look strong on the outside but fucking weak on the inside. Please stop fucking around with people's feelings.

2012-02-03T00:37:00.001+08:00

At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself, thinking of all the sins I sinned.

Rain rain come again

2012-02-02T15:24:00.001+08:00

Feeling so lost & down in this rainy weather. No direction to head to. No plans for the future. It's time to stop, and seriously think what I want for my future. What do I really love & can do for the rest of my life. I'm so unsure of everything that's happening in my life.

Two things I'm actually proud of?
1. I'm hardworking this year ^_^
2. I'm actually running for every ball comparing to last year. ^_^

Physically, mentally, tired.

xyz

2012-01-30T00:01:00.001+08:00

Watched the Australian open finals - congrats djoko <3 ya la, not loyal right? Diam. Anyway, I'll be loyal to djoko from now muawhhhh.

You're so annoying you know that? I don't know why do I even -.- ugh. But I'll tolerate. I have been, for so long anyway. You don't even, see me. All you see is, yes. Oh well, I guess you're just another, person.

Missed me in specs? ^.^

2012-01-29T02:37:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired I feel like giving up. But giving up would mean that I have a zero percent chance so I chose to not give up. But, am I strong enough to continue?

How to function?

2012-01-25T22:30:00.001+08:00

Too tired to function. This week has been crappy shit. Can't wait for the weekend. Hopefully things will turn out better next week? Yeah.
Long day today. Phew. Training was tiring as well partly because of the heat. Wasn't hitting well too. I guess like everyone else, I'm getting cold feet too? Worst nightmare ever.

Oh yes, happy Chinese new year guys!

2012-01-25T22:13:00.001+08:00

It's so funny because I get so upset that people only find me when they need me but I still help them because I can't stand saying no?

Sometimes it does last

2012-01-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

I'm running from a warzone.

I couldn't pray for anymore because I feel like I'm asking God for too much. Hoping things would turn out fine, as usual. Hoping things fall into places so that I'll have less things to worry about since I already have so much.

Anyway, just saying ya, no offence, everyone is posing with the "cool" hand sign thing making it so uncool already? Like, originality la. I don't mind when people do it like in real life. Like something happens or when you do something awesome you wanna tell someone you're so cool, yeah, you do that. But taking photos, don't so copy ya? On twitter - #justsaying.
Don't judge me because I said this. Isn't blogging for me to say & for you to read? So yes, shut the hell up.

Things on my mind that can't seem to get away.

2012-01-22T18:06:00.001+08:00

At the lowest times, look up at the sunshine & tell yourself to pick it up.

Judgemental faggots

2012-01-17T03:11:00.001+08:00

Aren't people tired? It looks like they're judging most of the time. Judging people. What we wear, who we hang out with, what we have, where we go, how we look, many things. I'm so tired of people looking at me as if they're scanning a barcode or something like this. It's not as if I have anything to do with them right?

3rd week of school & I'm really tired already. Don't know how to handle all these pressure. I hope I'll do well, yes I do. But just for now, I'm really tired.

2012-01-16T00:46:00.001+08:00

Not being able to sleep just kills. Thoughts run through your mind so quickly you can't stop them. Only when you shut your mind you'd then be able to sleep. These few days there's so much things on my mind. I can't tell if they are good or bad things. But I do hope that they are good.

Goodnight world. xx.

Stop and stare

2012-01-15T16:21:00.001+08:00

These days it's getting so tough. Not knowing how to get through these obstacles anymore. Not knowing even what to do anymore. Sometimes I'm just so lost I feel like stonning for the rest of my life.
But turning the other way around. I feel contented with what I have. I should. Of course everyone wants something more, that's for sure. But shouldn't we be happy with what we have?
I have a school to go to, stationaries, clothes, friends, a house, a phone, a desktop, a cca, most of the things you all have too. But there are people in the world who can't even afford clothes or food to keep them alive.
So the more we should be contented with what we have instead of complaining of what we don't have.
Yes, I complain. & most of the time I don't even realise.

I've wished for so many things in my life I've never stopped & look at what I have.

No don't start reading this & judge me.

2012-01-10T22:58:00.001+08:00

Everything's different already. Not used to all these changes. I for one find it hard to adapt to changed. I'm struggling, struggling to adapt.

Memories can kill.

2012-01-08T16:29:00.001+08:00

These two months I'm gonna give all of my time towards tennis. Not forgetting homework, studies, tuitions. After feb/march, focused on O's. I'm not kidding.

This family is falling apart. Badly. No I'm not trying anymore. I've tried for years, I've tried my hardest. Even more, this year is gonna be my busy year. If I'm the only one that's gonna care, I'd rather not give a fuck because I know nothing will happen. Maybe it'll fall even harder.

Not even gonna care about "friendships". No, I'm not saying I don't care about my friends. In fact, I love them. I'm just saying that I'm not gonna get myself involved in anything anymore. Past 4 years, so many problems. For what? Nothing.

All I know is that there's no one true. Like absolutely true. Maybe yes, Jong. I know I can count on her and that's all. I guess I suck at friendships? That's why I'm independent. HAHA. Joking. I love all of y'all la. serious <3

Jong, Denise, Leona, Gloria, talya, jolene, Tifflin, jaime, noreen, amanda.
Even meiyee, gwen, Claire, Anna, Yasssy, XingWen who's not in my class <3
Nat & son also :(
& of course my team! Bimmy, massy, Wenwen, natta, Hannah, nat, Aish, Claud, dini, ami, shweeta, Pamm, elicia, wanyi, FengFeng. (Rachel & vicky) too.

Darkness or light.

2012-01-02T23:20:00.001+08:00

A sign of weakness or a sign of strength. Sometimes I get so lost I don't know how to deal with things anymore. What's right & what's wrong. What to expect even?

Things, I can feel are gonna be very different. Well, people changed so things are gonna change too. I expect that, but yet I don't want these expectations to come.

I don't wanna be so weak anymore. I wanna be stronger than I used to be. No more crying. I want to turn back time sometimes. I wanna accomplish things I didn't & I wanna say/do things I didn't dare to. And now I question myself. Why didn't I do it there & then? Scared? Afraid? Terrified? I can't. I can't. I'm the worse expectation anyone can get.

Sometimes ; perhaps

2011-12-26T22:34:00.001+08:00

Don't you feel so lonely at times? No one to count on. No one to cry to. No one to smile at. No one to look for. Just having no one? Just alone in this world, all by yourself without having anyone to count on. It's hurtful, yes it is.
But instead of looking at it from this point. Why not open your eyes bigger & see who was really there for you. Perhaps you'd find someone, who really cares for you.

I have a phobia ok yes

2011-12-26T04:06:00.001+08:00

Always up this late. I'm gonna die one day if this goes on. Luckily school's starting so I can turn my body clock back.
Brother's been asking me to accompany him to my aunt's house. But no. There's a dog. I have a huge huge huge phobia of dogs. So no. I'm not going in there. He tells me to overcome it. But the last time I tried to overcome it I nearly got bitten. Ok so no. Not near any dog. At least not for this year please?

Wonder why you get the fame as though no one can tell how bloody fake you are L O L.

Outta this house

2011-12-26T01:21:00.001+08:00

Finally out of the house. Ugh.

Teach me how to handle those changes. It's already so different. You, are so different. So, how do I handle to face you? How do I treat you? How do I act around you. Behave. Maybe I'm too stupid to not notice all these time that you're changing.

2011-12-25T04:12:00.001+08:00

It's Christmas. So, merry christmas everyone. Wishing you all will lead a good & happy life. Unlike me! Anyway, I should crash.

Eve.

2011-12-24T02:14:00.001+08:00

Trying to let go of the things I hold on strongly to. Wishing for the impossible, is impossible. It seems like everything & everyday is just so blank. Time to really let go? I don't know. I'll try. Probably.

Chosen path

2011-12-21T22:14:00.001+08:00

So I've chosen to come back to kc next year. I'm not really happy about it but since it's final, I'm gonna work extremely hard next year. I'm not gonna waste that year or regret my decision. After listening to pops, mama, coach elwyn, coach mah's advices, I chose to do my O's. I did want to take the higher nitec route. I areally did. Go into some sports course. Anyway, if I take my O's next year, I'm going into the sports coaching course. It's a new course that is offered now. Business, engineering, or whatever doesn't really suit me la. sports does. Wanted sports science last time, but I suck at science, so, no thanks. Sports coaching would be good? I guess. Yes, my pops wants me in that "line" but it's partly my "want" too. I really don't mind. So, I'm gonna work towards that! And hopefully, I'll turn out fine.

2011-12-21T01:55:00.001+08:00

Can't seem to sleep. Thinking about a million things. Ugh. How I wish I was better than this. Maybe just a little bit better in everything. Not, this? Ew. I disgust myself.

Hurtful

2011-12-20T22:35:00.001+08:00

Hurtful things said to me today. Adding on the the fact that I was told I'm not playing singles next year. I mean like ok I don't mind playing doubles. But doubles is not suddenly put to play & can win what. Must have mo qi (chemistry) then can work properly & in sync. Whatever. I'm gonna give it my all next year no matter if I play singles or doubles. Semi finals? I really hope. But seriously damn hurtful sia fuck. "you singles matches also can win" whatthefuck? Sigh ya I know I'm useless in tennis. Even studies also I'm dumb. N's also can do so bad. Tennis also play like shit. Cannot win matches. Psh.

I really have no idea

2011-12-20T09:39:00.001+08:00

I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

Hello

2011-12-20T00:25:00.001+08:00

Haven't been here lately. Anyway I'll start with yesterday! Fun ;) went to see the women's tennis exhibition at SIS. With Mas, Joen, nat, & nigel & his friends? LOL, ya k. Saw Nicolette & Ben doing ballkid. Penetta won! Mas & Joen were cheering for her. Omg. Hahaha. Anyway, the things there are really expensive. So rip off. -.-

Today results day. Nervous as fuck. Cried as expected for me :/ I mean, people have different expectations of themselves do don't judge ya? Still contemplating though. Yep.

Hoping for a miracle. Hoping for you.

When we first met

2011-12-16T01:06:00.001+08:00

Who's the timid one? Maybe me, maybe you. How I wish we both weren't because I wished for you.

2011-12-15T00:29:00.001+08:00

Don't know why I'm still hanging on to little hopes. Maybe to start over & leave everything behind. So hard to forget the things we do, those memories. The way you make me feel is indescribable. But, but, it's time for me to let go.

Ashamed?

2011-12-14T01:16:00.001+08:00

Can't believe I got treated like this. I'm making you feel ashamed? Seriously? No offence but you brought it on yourself. Not stepping up to take the bloody initiative = my fucking fault? Sorry I don't fucking understand. So what? I shouldn't have initiative? I should just allow everyone to get scolded just cos no one took the bloody initiative, not even you? Wtf? Oh yes, did I mention? _____ was the one who called me to lead. I wasn't the one running up there to take the fucking lead. Sorry if I'm going overboard but please know how much it hurts.

I am me.

2011-12-13T01:57:00.001+08:00

Sorry.
I don't need to please you. I don't live for you. I don't need no fame nor popularity. I don't need your pity. I don't need your dirty looks. I don't need you to judge me. The way I act, the things I say. I don't need your money. I don't need any standards. I don't need you.

Why, you've change. For the better? Nah sorry but I don't think so. I just hope I still recognise you. Maybe you're just trying to fit in, but maybe you should also think first. I'm not judging. Seriously, I just miss to old you.

You're popular. You're famous. You're cool. You're smart. You're good looking. You're lovely. You're skinny. You're everything that I'm not. & I'm just, m e. & yes, it hurts.

2011-12-11T03:38:00.001+08:00

Taking chances when you have it. Why do I find money & time dangerous. It's a killer. Okay I'm talking rubbish. It's super late I should be asleep at this time. But oh well. Goodnight <3

Why not?

2011-12-10T00:39:00.001+08:00

I get so jealous seeing people with complete and full families. It's like I wonder to myself and ask myself why can't I have one too?
Maybe just a nice conversation or a nice family dinner. Wow I haven't had one in how long. Even birthdays are incomplete. I feel so isolated sometimes. Alone & unwanted.

Only yesterday

2011-12-09T01:23:00.001+08:00

It's always the same.

;friendships you thought wouldn't work out but works perfectly while friendships you want to work out turns out bad.

You know, that feeling when someone cheats your feeling, lies to your face, and acts like they don't know a thing? I fucking hate it. I mean, what the fuck seriously. Why can't you just be truthful. I'm never gonna believe you again. In fact, I'm never gonna ask you again. What the fuck seriously. _|_

Pick it up

2011-12-07T00:14:00.001+08:00

So knock me down like you used to. Accepting the fact that it's never gonna come true. I'm just someone you never saw. I'm invincible. Some things I just can't say. So many things I wanna say. What do I do when you've never seen me there?

Changed.

2011-12-06T01:34:00.001+08:00

So. I'm done cutting my hair. I think I look like a guy omg. Dreading tmrw or rather, today judging by the timing. Time to crash. Will post. Photo of my hair tmrw when everyone have seen it <3 xoxo.

Bye bye hair

2011-12-05T16:45:00.001+08:00

So, I'm hoping my hair stylist won't mess up my hair later on. Super scared but excited at the same time. Wonder how my hair will turn out. I'm trying hard not to think of the bad outcome but the good one. But seriously, what if it turns our bad. Why the hell do I have a round face? Ugh.

Victoria Jong.

2011-12-04T20:15:00.001+08:00

So today's post gonna be about yes, you guessed it, V i c t o r i a J o n g.

This girl ah. Crazy one yknow. But, I love her for who she is. ;She has been forever there for me. She's someone whom I can lean on, fall on, talk to, cry to, rant at. In happy, sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, proud, or whatever, I'd look for her.

Yes, I admit. Unknowingly, I've let her down before. Not taking into consideration how she feels. Sometimes, I forget to tell her that I've made plans with someone else but she still waits for me. But come on, all friendships has to go through hard times before it becomes a solid one.

I'm super grateful for having such a friend. Someone to look for when the whole world turns on you. Someone who believes in you when the whole world doesn't. Someone who loves you no matter who you are or HOW THE FUCK YOU LOOK.

This girl, I'm confident to say it, will be my good + close + one of my best friends.

I love you Jong, I'll be here no matter up or down. I like that we both have another year together. No matter what, fights, or whatever, I'm here. Forever will be here. For you. I love you.

2011-12-02T10:41:00.001+08:00

Just feel like blogging in this early morning.
Sometimes it's hard to forget the little things you do, or people do. It may be hurtful, touching, or whatever. Just read some tweets that applied to my life but didn't wanna RT them in case people think too much. Sigh. Okay, good morning btw. I think it was the longest sleep I've had this holiday. 6 hours. Proud? ^_^

Hair issues

2011-12-01T22:45:00.001+08:00

Training was good & fun today. Although there was physical, it still kinda went well. Won my doubles match! Yay. HAHAHAH. Anyway today, is my girl Rachel's birthday. I love her to bits! She's the best. <3 muawhhhh.

Anyway, so my mama wants me to chop off my hair. I mean, yes. I have bad quality hair. But at the same time I have a round face :( so short hair cannot make it on my face. Sigh wanna cry. If I cut, it's gonna be vvvvvvvvvvv short. If not I'm not cutting. Why do I have a round face? Psh.

~

2011-11-30T01:38:00.001+08:00

Tired day today. Psh, training. Trained all the way to lakeside but it rained halfway & I thought to myself that it's gonna be physical the whole day ~ ugh. Anyway, yeah. Physical test and straight after that physical again >:( oh well. Then the rain doesn't want to stop so we played captain's ball. Pretty awesome. Then the boys wanted soccer so requested for some girls. So like me, Bev, SinHui, feng & Sarah? HAHAHH. Yeah, played. I suck? Sure.
Anyway, some troubles today as usual during training. But oh well ~

I'd miss you but it doesn't seem two ways.

2011-11-29T02:45:00.001+08:00

Maybe it's time to take a turn. Do something wild & different. Turn the tables.

Goodnight loves ~

Take a shot and turn it around.

2011-11-29T01:43:00.001+08:00

I give you funny post today. HAHA. It's so late already & I'm not sleeping. Immune to it already la ~ anyway, I hate my phobia of dogs. Sux so badly ugh. Anyway yep.

Kk, I give you a happy photo, cool photo, sad photo & angry photo. I iz cool.

Anyway, I know I'm ugly but please spare me.

Never judge its book by its cover

2011-11-28T02:30:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's harder than you think to let go of something once was so close to you. You know, you try hard to not think about it but it comes back harder to you.
Don't you wonder why sometimes people only seem to see bad things in good people and good things in bad people? I mean like, seriously? You seriously can't judge its book by its cover. I swear. Literally. An innocent face may not prove that the person is actually innocent & a bad/rude/whatever face may not prove it too okay. I've had enough of it. Sometimes it gets so irritating. Once or twice okay la, but all the time? No fucking way. It's so full of shit. Fuckery.

Miss tong.

2011-11-27T14:03:00.001+08:00

Heh. Miss tong's married. Yay -clap hands- knowing her for about 6 years she's finally married! She even invited us. Firstly, I got to say, she was beautiful & gorgeous. Seriously. So, I did ushering and it was pretty fun seeing everyone entering and all. A lot of teachers were there! Mrs lim hugged me hehehe so touched. Okay ~ everything went on and all la ~ you know, weddings. All my lovelies dressed up in their dresses and heels.

CONGRATULATIONS MISS TONG. -air kiss- /blush/

2011-11-26T22:00:00.001+08:00

Everybody has everyone while I've got no one.

2011-11-26T01:32:00.001+08:00

So tired of thinking of you everytime a small little thing happens. It's time to forget about you once again but I always fail. So, teach me how to.

2011-11-24T13:00:00.001+08:00

So afraid of what your reaction is gonna be. So afraid of looking at you in the eye. So afraid of what's gonna come.

23:59

2011-11-24T02:42:00.001+08:00

I should be sleeping but whatever. HAHAHAH. Anyway, out with my lovelies today! Masitho, Pamm, Joen, Rachel, Vic, Nat. Heh ^.^ <3 <3 watched 23:59 w them and Rachel & vic was freaked out. HAHAH. Rachel barely watched the show la >:( anyway, super fun. Love them so much <3 muawhhhh.

Sometimes I wonder if you think of me. Just sometimes.

so why am i taught to smile when I am aching?

2011-11-22T00:48:00.002+08:00

i always wished to turn back time. select the memories i want to remember and delete those painful ones. sometimes, i cry myself to sleep. you know, it hurts trying to sleep at night. it's like torture. lying on your bed, listening to some music, doing a whole lot of thinking, that, can kill. that's why i like running in the middle of the nights. it calms you down.

did you forget about me? do you know how you're treating me? like i'm a fucking piece of trash. woah, it hurts so motherfucking badly. i can't explain what i'm feeling, but crappy, i guess. nah, i guess you don't even bother about people around you. you just care about yourself? ya. whatever. you may think that what you are doing is the best for me, and you. but i can tell you, it isn't. it's like torture, if i may say.

leave me alone, like it's normal.

Questions.

2011-11-20T23:50:00.001+08:00

So, how sorry do you want me to be? How many 'sorry's do I have to say? How sorry do I have to look? Do I have to play pretend? Act like I don't give a damn? Act like I don't care how you treat me? Do I have to beg for forgiveness? Or how long do I have to go through your 'coldness'? Can you teach me how to tolerate the way you're treating me? Tell me how to make a change? To make you treat me better. How do I make you treat me better? To treat me right? With dignity & respect? You think I don't bother? You think I don't care? Think it straight. Look at me straight in the eye and tell me I don't care. I'd take that. I'd take that, and leave. I'd walk away. I'll never come back. I'll go far away, where you don't have to see my stupid face again. Is that what you want? To see me gone? So you can treat others better? Your can help others? And leave me hanging? You did. You left me. Without a goodbye. You just looked at me, and turned away. So, what was I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do now? Leave?

P/S: the picture is NOT related ya?

Supper

2011-11-19T03:34:00.001+08:00

Just had dim sum with mum, bro & some other people. Hehhe jelly? Yeah. Didn't eat much cos I was full. And my throbbing headache keeps coming. I swear it hurts so badly >:( ugh. It's already three plus & I need to get up at six plus later. Haven't even got home! Shall not sleep? Yep.

2011-11-18T15:03:00.001+08:00

It's getting dark. With no one around me. It's scary. Feeling all alone. No voice, no footsteps, no sounds, no shadows.

2011-11-17T19:07:00.001+08:00

All you do is cut me so deep.
I'm feeling lost.
Where are you?
You promised.
Promised to be there for me.
When I'm down.
Or even when I'm up.
You left me,
clueless.
Where do I go now?
Who do I find now?
What do I do now?
I'm lost.
Completely lost.
But, you looked at me.
That look.
That look.
That look.
Was I wrong?

Let it rain over me

2011-11-16T21:02:00.001+08:00

It's been tiring these few days.
With not enough sleep these days.
Like torture.
Oh my, you don't know how it feels.
Trying to sleep is like worse than physical. Literally.

Met w the team to do the board. Overslept. With only 3 hours of sleep I headed to school. Felt weird in school uniform? HAHA. But whatever. Then had lunch with Rachel natta & feng. The two love birds. LOL. Yup.

{training tmrw. wonder what time I'll be able to fall asleep. Sighhhhh. Hopefully around 4 I can fall asleep. Worse is 6. I hate that time. Like so weird. Meeting Claire tmrw <3 <3 HAHAHA.}

Grow together

2011-11-16T05:19:00.001+08:00

Can't seem to sleep.
So much in my head.
It seems like hours.
The hour's getting later.
The minutes, the seconds.
Something is so wrong,
I just can't seem to fall asleep.
I think of the many things I shouldn't.
It just keeps running to my mind.
You, you, you, you, never ending.
All I want is to rest.
Trying so hard but failing harder.
It all seems so perfect.
That, once in a while.

Money troubles.

2011-11-14T21:06:00.001+08:00

So, as you know I can't say no to people in terms of helping wise right? The only thing I say no to is going out. I mean like, I only go out when I feel like it.
Anyway, there's a few k-pop stuff happening around. So, I'm lending A some money and M some money from my allowance. Quite a big sum actually. I think Wenyu and Jong will kill me of they know I'm lending them but, yes. I can't say no! Ugh. So my allowance will be down to 0. And then I have to fork out money for training = $300 because I don't have the guts to ask my dad for it. I mean like, it's seriously a lot of money. What of he doesn't allow me to go? Sigh. Yup, so I'll have to figure how to get that $300 for training soon. >:(

Oh, I've been wanting to say this. Because I can't take it anymore. People, if you wanna borrow money from me, or anyone, in this world, I really don't mind. But please, have the desency to return the money back. I mean, if you know you owe someone money, at least save up? Yup. Like, you already owe someone money and you still can go shop, go watch a movie, eat a good meal. It's ridiculous. No offence, but its up to you and your morals. I'm not saying anyone in particular. Actually, I'm saying this to everyone. And plus, it's even more ridiculous going for a bloody concert or something than to return the money. And when you borrow money, normally, you should have the morals to return it in a month or so. Just saying. But ya.

Scared out my wits

2011-11-14T00:13:00.001+08:00

It's frightening how things change so fast. And people too. Good or bad, it doesn't really matter. Because all of us deserve a change. Obviously hoping it'd be good. It's funny how you can be hopelessly jumping for joy for that one minute and be hopelessly crying for the next.

Why do we fall for someone so unreachable?

and i hope

2011-11-12T00:47:00.002+08:00

Don't know what I'm exactly feeling. but i know that i shouldn't be feeling this way. it hurts so badly that i don't know what to do anymore. it's exhausting knowing that i'm the only one feeling this way. well, it's not like as if i wanna feel this way but, i think that i just can't help myself. i know that nothing's gonna ever happen. but everyday, i'm just hoping it would.

you know, nobody cares the fuck about this anyway.

11/11/11

2011-11-11T20:56:00.001+08:00

It's 11/11 today! Heh, my brother's birthday. ^____^ anyway, yep. Once in a thousand years or something aye?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST BROTHER. YOU'RE AWESOME LA, wait, sometimes? :p hehe, but overall, yep.

Spent my 11/11 day with annabel, Rachel & Chen feng. Weird combination uh? But ya. 3 of them!! Natta's gonna be so jealous I saw Chen feng today. Shhh, HAHAHAHA. But but, she's gonna see her tmrw anyway! Aww, cute lovebirddddyyyyys. HAHAHA.

Training tmrw. Sigh doubt I'll be getting enough sleep t9 again! gonna meet mum later around 2? I guess. Come home. No time to sleep already! >:( oh well, numb to that anyway!

HAPPY 11/11/11 EVERYONE MUAXX.

Suxxxx to be me

2011-11-11T00:35:00.001+08:00

Didn't sleep much yesterday night. What? About 1 hour and that's it. Hah, but I survived today w eyebags. Great, masitho thought I put eyeliner hahahahha. But tennis was ok? Except the physical and....something else :| well, whatever.

It's like I'm so sleepy, but I can't sleep. Really really want to sleep but it's just not working for me. So here I am blogging. Sigh, why can't I sleep?? >:( feeling so frustrated right now. No one to talk to too. Sigh, must this happen again? I hate 12-6am everyday. It just Sux to not be able to sleep! >:( argh.

Sleeeeepy!

2011-11-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

I am going to need a good sleep when I come home. Haven't been sleeping for more than an hour lately. Just too much thoughts. It's like June again. The cycle is so scary, it's repeating.

2011-11-08T21:07:00.001+08:00

Why can't things just fall into places?

Tried my hardest

2011-11-08T19:44:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired thinking about my life. It's like I'm trying to fix everything so it'll fall in the right place, but I'm just missing a tool. I'm trying so v hard to do things right & make things work but I guess nothing's ever gonna work out for me.

2011-11-08T01:55:00.001+08:00

I'm exhausted.

2011-11-07T21:36:00.001+08:00

Its so funny how one can look so strong on the outside, but feels so fragile on the inside.

Nonsense

2011-11-07T18:32:00.001+08:00

Maybe I'm a person easily forgotten. Or easily replaces. Or someone very usable. In other words, I'm nothing. All I am is someone who is there when no one was there, someone you could easily call when you needed something. I'm so sick of being that, I'm so sick of always having a soft heart and always helping without fail. Why do y'all always come to me when you fucking need help? I can't fucking stand it anymore. I'm not a fucking ball you can kick around ya? I'm tired. Tired of all your fucking nonsense. Peace.

Sunshine

2011-11-07T16:43:00.001+08:00

I got a pocket, Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love an' I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh whoa oh
Do what you want,
But you never gonna break me,
Sticks an' stones are never gonna shake me
No, oh whoa, oh

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away)
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

I got a pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love an' I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh whoa, oh
Do what you want,
But you never gonna break me,
Sticks an' stones are never gonna shake me
No, oh, whoa oh

I got a pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love an' I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh whoa, oh

Wish that you could,
But you ain't gonna own me
Do anything you can to control me
No, oh No-o

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away)
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (A hiding place)

There's this place that I go
Where nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And the darkness is light
And nobody cries
There's only butterflies

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away)
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away)
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

I got a pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love and I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
I got a pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love and I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh, oh

The sun's on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

The sun's on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

Fear

2011-11-06T01:55:00.001+08:00

Fear overcomes you sometimes and hits you when you're lost. I'd often question myself why am I so weak. Why do I shed a tear so easily. Maybe it's all just me. I mean, what's so bad about crying, aye? But, I feel so lost. I don't know where to go, who to look for, who to cry on, who to talk to, who to trust, anymore. But I want to believe, that a smile, can cover up any fear & tear in that eyes of mine.

Nope.

2011-11-02T21:07:00.001+08:00

No where to run to.
No place to go to.
Nobody to look for.
No one to count on.
No one to lean on.
Nobody to love me.
No trust in anyone.

2011-11-01T10:51:00.001+08:00

Everyone needs someone & no one can deny that.

Family portrait

2011-10-30T22:56:00.001+08:00

It's been long since I cried over family matters. It's been quite long.
LOL, you believed that? Then you don't know me.
Today's just another day I'm crying over it. Once again. People don't know how much it hurts. I wanna stop. Stop being in the middle of everything. It so scary!
Feeling so alone tonight. No one there. No one needs me. Oh well. It's 11. Feel like going for a jog right at this hour. Maybe I should.

Free your mind

2011-10-30T04:09:00.001+08:00

You've been running through my mind constantly. How did that happen? Hah, believe me, I've asked myself that many times. Not that I've never tried to get answers but just afraid of the answers. In times when things flipped on me, you flipped it back for me. You'll never know its you because I guess you don't even read this shit. Sigh, it's time to get over you aye? Perhaps. Yep. Goodbye, anonymous. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Can't believe this happened. Wtf? >:(
P/s: I swear the stupid timing is wrong lor. It's like 4:12 am right now okay!!!!! Psh.

Proven

2011-10-28T12:18:00.001+08:00

Tell me how to be a better person.

What is left?

2011-10-28T01:45:00.001+08:00

It's 1:43am currently as I'm writing. Can't seem to sleep. Many things running through my head as I'm lying on the bed. It's time to let go, but I can't. xo

Tenderness

2011-10-27T19:59:00.001+08:00

So, why'd you forget I exist? Never knew people could be so cruel. I sincerely cared for everyone, but now i guess I'm taken for granted. Thinking that things would change, was my only source of motivation to carry on, caring. I try my best every night, not to cry to sleep. I try my best everyday, to not let any of your actions affect me. I guess I'm too fragile.

So people tell me to stop caring so much for others, and stop to think a little for myself. But in my nature, I care. I over care, sometimes. Letting my mind, take control of me. No matter how much I seem to be angry or cold or I show attitude towards you, I love you more than anyone. You're the ones that I care more about & you're the ones that I'm afraid to give myself to because I'm too afraid to lose you.

Missing you

2011-10-26T08:24:00.001+08:00

K gonna be posting up photos of the people I miss. :'(

& photos I lack of :( CLAIRE TAN, GWEN HOW, LEONA YEAP, DENISE TAN. I MISS Y'ALL. A LOT. <3 <3 <3

Everyone's like my sunshine.

Cravings.

2011-10-24T21:27:00.001+08:00

K I'm gonna be really random in this post hahaha. Gonna be about cravings. Still deciding if I should just do on food or things too. For now, F O O D.

1. Tau huay (beancurd)
2. Tom Yum Soup
3. KFC
4. Seoul garden (OMG)
5. Texas chicken
6. Mee pok (fishball noodles)
7. Koi!
8. Nasi briyani
9. Curry!
10. Cupcakes!
11. Ice cream
12. Wanton noodles
13. Steamboat
14. Bake rice
15. Cream sauce spaghetti
16. Gratin
17. Burger king
18. Potato puff haha
19. Satay!!!
20. Sausage
21. Nutella bread!
22. Peanut butter bread!
23. Pizza
24. Grapes!
25. Ice cream cake omagawdddd
26. Instant noodles!!!!!!! AH.
27. Ban miannn
28. Dim sum!!!
29. Fried chicken
30. LOR MEE FUCKKKK
31. Prawn noodles
32. Banana leaf omg omg
33. Roti prata!
34. Black pepper chicken from lava rock
35. Fries&coleslaw&mash potato

Yeah 35 cravings. I feel pregnant siol. Fuck I really feel like eating everything I named ok! Fuck someone go on a bloody food trip w me sua. Hahaha. Yup! Oh btw, I mention some things I want?

Things I want? YA.
1. OVEN
2. LAPTOP

Thats kinda the only two things I really really one. I don't mind if it's old or like dying. Usable can already. Seriously. Kindly donate to me either one please? Ya. I'd appreciate that! I'm serious. :(